Former Places

When did I get to be old and adultish? Where I go to bed at 9pm on a Friday night? Or my favorite thing is to lay on the couch next to my husband while he sleeps next to me? Like tonight.

Two weeks ago when he was in Midland, MI, for his research work, I went out to an in store concert at the Electric Fetus with the band Tapes n Tapes. Pre-John days I used to go out to concerts all the time. I loved going to First Avenue for $15 concerts or to 400 bar for $5. I keep all my concert stubs so after I came home that night, I was looking through them remembering who I would go with to see a certain band or singer. I was thinking about the time Bryce, Mel, Sarah and I went to see Lucinda Williams and the antics that came of that evening. Let's just say, we ended up in the hospital till 3 am with Bryce who broke his collarbone due to him running into me.

At the Tapes n Tapes instore, I kept looking around and thinking, I don't fit in here anymore. I love music, but is this my place still? I felt so far removed and distant from that past life. I loved the indie rock/alt-country scene in the twin cities. I loved going to see the Jayhawks or Mason Jennings or others. I loved the heat and excitement of the crowd. I loved watching all the heads nodding to the music and people singing along. I loved the Minneapolis icons like Paul Westerburg. I loved being in the music know. Now, I am in the know not. During that evening I kept thinking about how my person hood used to be focused on and tied up in knowing the in band at the moment.

When did this shift? I like knowing about new bands, but it isn't as important to me. It doesn't define me like it used to. Is that what makes me not fit in to that scene anymore? That life doesn't revolve around music. I enjoyed being at the in store, but something didn't feel right.

Music is something that grounds me, that gives words to emotions, gives words to experiences, I used to be so at home and would find community at music shows. As a 31 year old and even as a 20 year old, I knew that the community was surfacy, but now as a 31 year old, I do crave community in a different and more engaging way. The gift of friends with depth and people that know you and care about you is so much better than the beat and the dancing of a concert. A different rhythm grounds me now so I need a different rhythm for community.