Bear

Once upon a time, there was a woman who fell in love with a boy. They got married and "lived happily ever after." In this "happily ever after", they decided to get a dog!

For a long time, John and I have been talking about getting a dog. We finally decided this summer was the right time to add a little guy to our household. After meeting a few puppies, we decided to get Bear.

He loves our place. He has dug holes in our back yard, dug up plants, ruined socks, and chews on our porch. And we love him. And he is so smart!  He has learned how to sit, lay down, stay. And we love him.

Storms a'brewin

Today, a big storm came through Minneapolis and St. Paul. The winds whipped the trees back and forth, pelted the windows with rain drops and darkened the sky to deep shades of blueish gray. All day, one could tell that something was happening. It was dark out beginning in the early morning hours. It took all morning of brewing to have a big storm out during the day. It rained for a good couple of hours and gave way to an evening that cleared off.

Lately, I have been feeling like something is a'brewin. Something is churning inside me. Some desire is seeking to be fulfilled. I am not sure what it is, but I am ready to explore that churning some more. Maybe, I need to have an all out hard rain to figure out what it is I need. Whatever it is, I know it will be beautiful!

What is churning inside you?

Stillness

I have a hard time sitting still. I always need to be doing something: cleaning, organizing, reading, doing a craft project, gardening, taking care of something, running, spending time with someone; the list could do on and on....

With John gone this morning, the garden weeded, the house cleaned after hosting a party yesterday. I am sitting still on my deck. Everything is so still. The wind is not blowing, Bear is sleeping, the world has not arisen to make noise. I am looking out at my garden and watching a bee buzz around my coneflowers. Isn't this the way God intended life to be? Peaceful, simple, and beautiful.

Summer flies by so fast as there is so much to do, like biking, bbqs, and more. This past week, I had a commitment every night. This is the tension in my life: to have connection and be with people as I seek community yet have a simple life. When I make too many commitments, then I want my life to slow down and be simple. But when my life gets too simple, I make too many commitments. I don't think this will ever be resolved. I want the best of both worlds, but this morning, I am content to drink coffee, sit on my deck, read, and play with my puppy in the stillness and quiet of the day.

Summer Minnesota Style

Ahhhh. That is how I felt today. Nowhere to go, no agenda, no time constraints.

Summer has been flying by with John and I booked solid with many adventures. Don't get me wrong, I loved traveling up north to a cabin and to New Jersey for a wedding. I loved bbqs, Spanish and Chilean wine parties, Twins games, Caleb ball games, and many other adventures. I also enjoyed going to Omaha since I have never been there before John's family reunion weekend.

Have a weekend with zero plans is lovely and this has been so good. It was perfect for the body and the soul. I love taking advantage of summer in the city - being in the garden, three hour bike rides, fresh homemade food, eating on our deck outside. Today, dawned a sunny and bright day, with a breakfast of huevos rancheros made by John, which aren't so Minnesotan, but still so good. John always laughs at me because I made a lot of noises while eating (mmmm....ooooo, you get the picture).

After breakfast, John and I enjoyed a three hour bike ride along the river, into Minneapolis, under Target Field, down the Midtown Greenway, past a bike event, and ending with a salted caramel ice cream cone at Izzy's.

The afternoon was spent watching the Twins lose on TV, but it as a good game. Cleaning up the house, and preparing for dinner. Dinner was amazing! The perfect day ended with the fresh fig, arugula, mozzarella, chives, and tomato homemade pizza.

With a sunned and tired body, I go to bed with a smile on my face and happy to have summer here to enjoy.

Living History: travels to South Jersey

Four McAllister Generations

From Left: Harry, Grace, Francy, Betsy, Grandpop (Harry Sr.), Josh, Grandmom (Margie), Heidi and John.

John's Teaburning relatives - Alexander Moore, Henry Seeley and Josiah Seeley.

Grandmom and Grandpop McAllister

John and I spent a couple of days in New Jersey last weekend. John's cousin, Meredith, got married so it was a great reunion of family, most of whom I have met a couple of times. We enjoyed spending time with family, but one of my favorite parts of the trip was hearing stories from John's Grandmom and Grandpop and also from his dad, Harry. I deeply love John's family, his parents are always fun to be around and his grandparents are the sweetest people I have ever met. His Grandmom has Alzheimers and his Grandpop takes care of her. His Grandmom loves to tell stories...many of them over and over. I love hearing how they met: at church. His Grandmom was in the choir and she saw Harry McAllister, Sr. in the pews. She orchestrated a double date.

With John's dad, Harry, you hear the whole history of the family. On the way from the airport, we passed a bridge where John's ancestor fought during the revolutionary war. An ancestor of John's ran a Room and Board house with a tavern (see above picture). His name was Jacob Ware, which is on Grandpop's side of the family. I also saw where Harry's grandfather lived and where Harry grew up and went to school. John's Grandpop has not moved more than a two mile radius during his life. His Grandmom has always lived in Cumberland County. Many McAllisters populate the area.

I grew up on a farm that has been in my family for five generations and have always been interested in the history of the farm and family. There is something about the history in south jersey that is different for me than from learning about my family history. I can't figure out if it is the length of history: being in the revolutionary war and the civil war and everything in between, or if it is the fact that it is all brand new to me. Either way, I loved hearing the stories.

I look forward to the next time we go back. The area is like stepping back in time. So many houses are still in tact from the late 1700s or 1800s. And still beautiful. I would love a tour or even to live in one. Although, both John and his parents recommended that I not live in one.

It was a beautiful trip with a wedding, history, family and much, much laughter. My kind of weekend.

Urban Farming

For the past two weeks, I have been anxiously awaiting my vegetables to grow. Yesterday, I came home from a weekend away and found plants poking through the soil! Recently, I have been dreaming of what could happen with my parents farm when my dad cannot farm anymore.

My sister and I have been dreaming of creating an organic farm for the past few years. Two years out of college, my sister and I had a community garden plot that we created in the empty lot across from our apartment. I loved being out in the garden plot.

I add to the dream of the organic farm, the dream of creating a coop with our friends. Jamie and John could brew beer, Melissa and I could create a restaurant - create the barn to be a restaurant. We could plant an orchard and a vineyard. We could have chickens and goats and sheep for my friend Ellie to make yarn. Dreams....

One of my memories of growing up on a farm was getting up early in the morning and picking strawberries, beans, peas or some other vegetable in the garden. We had corn, zucchini, squash, pumpkins, cucumbers, lettuce, sweet corn, beans, peas, beets, and more! Another favorite memory was to carve our names in zucchini when they were small and then when they grew big, our names were still in it! There are great pictures of us with our zucchini.

I am so thankful to have grown up on a farm. I am so proud of my dad for working his butt off, making sacrifices, and loving his job on the farm.

Now, as an adult, I love coming home and climbing into my garden, pulling weeks, watering, talking to my plants, and cheering them on to grow and produce scrumptious treats!

This year, we have planted a feast: green onions, yellow onions, edemame, peas, carrots, beans, parsnips, many different peppers, cucumbers for pickling, and three kinds of tomatoes: roma, early girl, and beef. I also planted spinach, spring greens and arugula.

Oh, and this year, we have a mushroom log!

Last year, we planted strawberries, hops, and asparagus. The year before we planted rhubarb and Raspberries plus all the herbs. The asparagus won't be ready for a couple more years. The rhubarb has already made for some yummy desserts and the rest will soon be frozen for later delicious eating. We are hoping for a good crop of strawberries and raspberries for eating and hops for beer brewing!

Now if only I could have chickens, a brick oven and a picnic table in my back yard....John says the yard is too small......

It's Bob Dylan Day.

I have officially declared that today is Bob Dylan day in Heidi's world. The elusive Bob Dylan turns 70 years old today. In his 70 years of life, he has so altered the world that we live in. He has been a prophetic voice during the 1960s when culture was changing. He has captured the culture of the times and challenged people to think. And still in 2011, he is still prophetic. His message lasts through the ages. Thank you, Bob, for all you have done in this world.

Happy Birthday, Bob Dylan!

Lovely reminder

I am not into keeping up with the Jones, having the newest stuff, the trendiest clothes, the royal lifestyle, or anything to do with high society. I think it is pompous, arrogant, and fake. I think it breads greed and money and not the important things in life. I don't pay attention to pop culture much, who's who, what's in, and who is dating who. (can you sense that I am a little judgemental? I am working on that). That is why I didn't get up at 4:00am to watch the royal wedding. However, I did turn on the tube at 7:00am because I kept hearing about it on MPR at 6am.

That is when I watched the first kiss. I saw how stunning Kate was, how happy William was, and how intimate the relationship is between the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. One word: Lovely. And I was converted. Then, I couldn't help not watching the whole ceremony on the Internet later in the day. Yes, I, too, was sucked into the royal wedding. Plus, the sermon was right on.

I do admit, it was so hopeful and lovely and beautiful to watch two young lovers (not so much younger than I) so excited to be together, so in love with one another, and ready for the next step on their journey together. Beautiful. What a great model and reminder for all of us to look to for how to be in relationship. Respectful, Gentle, Loving, and Protective of the one we adore. Thank you, William and Kate, for reminding us how relationships can and should be. And for reminding me that beneath money and wealth, there are other things that ring true.

Mistakes

We all make them. As intentional and deliberate as we try to live our lives, we still screw up. One of the hardest things for us to admit is when we are wrong. We want our spouse/partner to admit it. We want them to say "you were right."

One of the best pieces of advice that I ever received were from my friends Kelly and Susie. They have been great role models for me about love and relationships. Even thought our paths haven't crossed much lately, they are and will always dear to me. The piece of advice they gave me was to say to your spouse/partner that "you were right." To be able to say this is be vulnerable and open, to lift up the other person.

However, it is a bit harder to do in a professional capacity for fear of losing face, job, or people to your work. What I find interesting is the more honest and true leaders are in the mistakes they make, the more I respect them. This week, I made a bunch of mistakes, I admitted them and apologized for them. I learned and moved on. That is what is beautiful about life. We always have the opportunity to learn and grow. We can't run away from our mistakes, but face them.

Aspriations

I have all these aspirations! I want to paint my living room and dining room, make stained glass, knit and sew, make mosaics, garden, read, and more....I can't seem to find the time to do all of it. I have a to-do list a mile long at work, a to-do list a mile long at home to clean and keep things organized. I sit on a board of directors for a non-profit and a committee at my coop. Plus, I like to be around people. You could say that I am a bit of an extrovert.

This week, I have been feeling overwhelmed with it all. It is hard to choose between all of the wonderful things I want to and love doing, yet it is exhausting me. Having a husband in school is both fun because he loves what he is doing, but also very hard to be the only one cooking and cleaning, doing the laundry and keeping things organized.

I keep thinking that someday I can work part time and then be able to keep the house in order and do all the things that I love. I am trying to be mindful of not wishing that day to come too fast, but to be in the moment and enjoy this time of exploration that I can do with my time since John is studying.

Aspirations. They are a beautiful thing. Now let me find the time to make them happen.

Clean Shaven

My husband shaved his beard yesterday. He was in the bathroom for a long time, which is very unusual for him. I thought maybe he was cleaning and got very excited. I walked by and said, "What are you doing in there?" And I heard, "Shaving my beard." "Oh." It seems a little early this year to be shaving one's beard. I love beards. I find my husband sexiest when he is scruffy.

I tell John all that time that I love his beard and I am sad when he shaves his beard. He says, "while now you can look forward to the fall and winter." That is not what I want to do when spring hasn't even come yet. I know I will get used to a clean shaven John, but I do mourn the beard.

Kissing a man with a beard is a lot like going to a picnic. If you don't mind going through a little bush to get there!
Minnie Pearl

What a great quote! It made me laugh. Many people are annoyed by going through the bush for a kis, but it is an adventure for me! I like the exploration and the picnic all year long. Alas, I will deal.

Sitting in my living room, listening to the pelting of the ice/rain drops on the window, one wishes for days of sunshine on your face, warm dirt between your toes, tan bodies, cool lake swims.

I am especially wistful for the beauty of summer when the snow begins to melt. Yet before we can get there, the melted snow reveals ugliness and brokenness of our world as it bares the trash strewn all over. As much as the snow tries to cover it up all winter, at some point it becomes bared. As much as I want to curl up and hide the parts of myself that I don't want to be seen or to be vulnerable, the covering usually melts away, barring all to the wide world.

It is usually the ugliest most broken part of me that finds ways to stuff down, to be hidden from view, but what always amazes me is that no one runs scared at the trash that lines a street or my trash lining my life. When one needs acceptance, it surrounds you in ways that cannot be imagine and brings you rays of sunshine that cuts through the cold of winter and reminds you of all the the beauty of life, of the people and experiences to be thankful for in life.

Former Places

When did I get to be old and adultish? Where I go to bed at 9pm on a Friday night? Or my favorite thing is to lay on the couch next to my husband while he sleeps next to me? Like tonight.

Two weeks ago when he was in Midland, MI, for his research work, I went out to an in store concert at the Electric Fetus with the band Tapes n Tapes. Pre-John days I used to go out to concerts all the time. I loved going to First Avenue for $15 concerts or to 400 bar for $5. I keep all my concert stubs so after I came home that night, I was looking through them remembering who I would go with to see a certain band or singer. I was thinking about the time Bryce, Mel, Sarah and I went to see Lucinda Williams and the antics that came of that evening. Let's just say, we ended up in the hospital till 3 am with Bryce who broke his collarbone due to him running into me.

At the Tapes n Tapes instore, I kept looking around and thinking, I don't fit in here anymore. I love music, but is this my place still? I felt so far removed and distant from that past life. I loved the indie rock/alt-country scene in the twin cities. I loved going to see the Jayhawks or Mason Jennings or others. I loved the heat and excitement of the crowd. I loved watching all the heads nodding to the music and people singing along. I loved the Minneapolis icons like Paul Westerburg. I loved being in the music know. Now, I am in the know not. During that evening I kept thinking about how my person hood used to be focused on and tied up in knowing the in band at the moment.

When did this shift? I like knowing about new bands, but it isn't as important to me. It doesn't define me like it used to. Is that what makes me not fit in to that scene anymore? That life doesn't revolve around music. I enjoyed being at the in store, but something didn't feel right.

Music is something that grounds me, that gives words to emotions, gives words to experiences, I used to be so at home and would find community at music shows. As a 31 year old and even as a 20 year old, I knew that the community was surfacy, but now as a 31 year old, I do crave community in a different and more engaging way. The gift of friends with depth and people that know you and care about you is so much better than the beat and the dancing of a concert. A different rhythm grounds me now so I need a different rhythm for community.

So this funny thing happened last night....

How many of you have started a story with that line? Well, it seems to be a line that I use a lot. However, it is not to tell a story about someone else as often happens, but to tell a story about something I or my husband did. We are the king and queen of issues with car, house, or bike, losing things and breaking things. So sit back and listen to this story:

After eating a scrumptious dinner at Luci Andora and enjoying themselves, Heidi and John went home to have some coffee and dessert. However, upon arrival at home, Heidi asked for the keys to the house. John looked in his pockets and realized that he did not have keys. And nor did Heidi. Heidi and John brainstormed what they would do. An idea pops into John's head, "my sister has a key." "Well, let's go get it!" said Heidi. Unfortunately, said key could not be found. "Well," says Josh, brother-in-law, "you can stay the night." Phew, they said. After a good night's sleep, they woke up, played with cute niece Grace, ate breakfast, thanked their family for saving them from the cold and then headed home. Luckily, they were able to get in. I won't tell you how, but it took 2 minutes. It was a funny, unexpected night. Now Heidi and John will never ever lock themselves out again. The End.

So, I would normally freak out in these types of situations. However, I am now finding them to be extremely funny. I had a good laugh. John did not find this as funny as I did.

I have found that as I get older and as I am with John longer, I have mellowed about losing things or breaking things or having things stolen. His presence in my life has continually reminded me that life is not about stuff or how much money we have, but about loving each other, treating each other well, being hospitable to the stranger, being generous, and sharing joy.

Thank you to our family for caring for us overnight. We are grateful for such loving people in our lives that help us. I used to always feel bad about asking for help, for impinging on someone else, but that is what being in relationship is about. Loving each other and caring for one another.

Resolutions for the New Year

Happy New Year! Welcome 2011. John and I ushered it in with friends playing games: pass the pigs and Hugger Mugger. A great evening and a good first day.

With a new year, a new beginning. One cannot help thinking about what the last year has brought and what one wants to create in the new year for their life. I often think that resolutions can be trite: I want to lose weight, I want to eat better, I want to budget my money better. But so often we make these resolutions without really thinking about how to live them out. I was reading an article on the Real Simple website that discussed having everything ready before the new year hit. So, if you want to lose weight, what does that mean and how will you stick with it?

Instead of concentrating on "doing" resolutions, I want to focus on "being" resolutions.

Here is what I am resolving for 2011:
1. I want to create space in my life for taking care of myself by spending time each week to do the things I love: reading, writing, yoga, stained glass, knitting, or more.
2. To not over-schedule myself at work or at home, to pay attention to my time.
3. To focus on the relationships in my life that keep me grounded and give me wholeness.

My excitement for 2011 is to discover more deeply how I am in the world and I want to be in the world. I am looking forward to it in all its joys, sorrows, challenges, experiences and adventures. May it be a year of learning and a year to remember!